Khalli Walli

Several phrases plucked from the Dinglish dictionary
(Dubai speak) that really sum up Dubai:

Duperlative: A dubious claim that something is the
tallest, biggest etc in the world. For example the
Sheikh’s life ambition is to be first Arab nation to
host the winter Olympics….. and is thinking of putting
in a bid for the 2014 world cup (there are no stadiums
above 20k seater)

My Friend: A total stranger

Splurge Al Arab: after the only 7 star hotel in the
world, it describes the phenomenon of expats spending
their months wages in a week on spurious items

Doing a Movenpick (Tom and I made this one up):
getting hopelessly lost, being able to see your
destination (the f#*ker was big enough), but not being
able to figure out any of the bleeding road signs, and
finally being stuck in a traffic jam for two hours!

You can also have a large amount of childish fun with
the country of Oman. For example (say it out loud) “In
some parts close to the border, you can accidentally
slip in and out of Oman” and many more

Oh dear been a long day as you might be able to guess.
Been to Ikea though and picked up yet more flat
documentation….. but as yet no house keys. Getting
hold of a simple set of keys to an apartment is as if
you we buying a squadron of F-14 fighter jets.
Undersign here, in triplicate there, oh and you can
collect the keys from blah blah blah! Still my
shipment has arrived and is currently being
scrutinized by the Ministry of Information (very
Orwellian I know, but its true) for naked lady
pictures, and class A drugs like; paracetamol,
ibuprofen, and probably calpol.

Been up to loads more stuff…. Went for a Royal Hamman
(not the footballer) on Friday. It is the traditional
Moroccan bath treatment, and is highly recommended by
all of the locals at work. Very strange experience,
but I left feeling refreshed. Saturday was all about
furniture shopping, that was until my hire car broke
down, and it took them two hours to find a
replacement….. oh and me!

Here’s the deal. They are doing so much construction
work that it becomes difficult for everyone to keep
track. Hence no postal delivery service or decent
maps. But its gets weirder….. take my shipment from
the UK, I’ve had to draw them a map of where my
apartment and all the local landmarks are. Imagine how
strange it feels to stand in the queue at Ikea drawing
a pencil map of where you live…….. try it sometime,
embarrassing isn’t a strong enough word. But at least
my geography lessons didn’t go to waste, my old
teachers would be proud that I remembered to include a
key showing what a traffic light looks like on my map.

Well guys and girls……. With impending war in the
middle east (can’t help but feel my arriving did
something?!), I’ll sign off with the reassuring
message that the UAE won’t be getting involved very
soon. One of my team has just left the army (to join
Lloyds TSB…frying pan and fire springs to mind)
because they did too much running in the sun! God help
us if an Israeli soldier accidentally slips in an out
of Oman (ah, it never grows old).

But as they say over here Kalli Walli or “Don’t worry
about it”